I asked for help

I was never a believer of mental health. I grew up in a time where we didn't talk about our problems and suicide, depression, anxiety, sexual assault and I could on was never spoken about. It was taboo. 10 years ago my eldest daughter came to me about self harm and other things that have happened. That's when I started to believe, but not to much. It was a work in progress. I started to realize I had a lot to work on myself. In 2020 my whole family contracted COVID 19 and my mother and I were hospitalized. I almost lost my life as well as my mother. I was in the hospital for 2.5 weeks my mother longer intubated and more. The thought of losing my life and my mother's life really sent me into a deep depression and my anxiety and memories started to appear from my younger years. I was keeping them at bay, but they were becoming so loud I was self harming. I was having issues as well at work that added to my stress and anxiety. To make matters worse after beating COVID my mother relapsed in her cancer and it returned with a vengeance and sadly she passed. I took time off of work again to spend the last days with my mother and did an IOP program and didn't return to work for 6 months. I thought I was doing ok. Then 2 years later and I was back to self harming and depression and anxiety. I took time off again ass I attempted to take my life to many times. I did not want my husband and children to come home and find me like that or get a phone call that I was gone. This made me realize I needed help again. I asked for help. I needed help. I rejoined the IOP program and this time around has truly made an impact on my life. It takes a great amount of courage to ask for help and I did it. I will continue to work on myself. Baby steps are still steps forward.